I went to a spanking class and here’s what I learned (2024)

The modern bachelor is a multi-skilled marvel. A mowing God in the garden, a pancake-tossing technician in the kitchen and a pro-player of hide the sausage in the bedroom.

When he’s not performing one of his many house-husband-in-waiting skills, he’s scrubbing up on others he’d like to learn. Flambé. Outdoor decking.

Spanking.

Being a bachelor myself, in recent times, I’d realised the latter was a bit of a sexual blind spot.

How did you realise this, you ask?

Let’s just say I’d had various ‘meetings’ with women who seemed more interested in a close encounter with a wooden spoon than the contents of my underpants. The ‘I’ve been a very bad girl’ type.

MORE:

My own spanking experience is limited. Sure, I’ve tenderised a steak with a rolling pin. I’ve even administered training to an unruly puppy. But channelling a 1950s headmaster is not a forte of mine.

I needed professional help.

A spanking salon at Coco de Mer beckoned. The minute I entered London’s ‘legendary luxury erotic emporium’ I knew I’d fallen down the rabbit hole.

MORE: It’s Fifty Shades Of Grey – the Lego version

What awaits inside is nothing short of an Alice in Wonderland cornucopia of erotica: veiled silk gowns and leather web body harnesses hanging alongside vibrating eggs and orgasm-inducing balms.

Bizarrely, I couldn’t stop thinking of my Uncle Nigel. A big fan of obscure and curious objects, I knew he would’ve been mesmerised by the oddities on display and I had to resist the temptation to text him: ‘10 points if Auntie Mavis guesses what this is? Clue: it’s not a dog chew’.

After a few more rounds of the shop – and a brief panic when I couldn’t work out how to switch off the love egg I’d seemingly set to speed setting ‘insania’ – Allison England, Coco de Mer’s resident expert, floated into the room. In the hours that followed I went from part time spanker to master of the smack. Here’s what I learned:

ON THE SAME PAGE

Taking 40 lashes isn’t for everyone and England recommends broaching the subject with a partner casually before tying them to the bedpost midway through The Great British Bake Off.

‘Ask if they have ever thought about spanking,’ England says. ‘Have they spanked or been spanked? Just bringing up the topic may be a big turn on to your partner.’

MORE: Spongebob SquarePants spoofs Fifty Shades of Grey brilliantly

SAFETY FIRST

Before you start to explore spanking, safety words must be established – clear, one-word instructions given from the spankee to the spanker. England divides these words into:

Red = means stop
Amber = slow things down or go softer
Green = speed things up or use more force

‘In the context of play, “No” doesn’t always mean “No”, so pick something completely different and understand the seriousness of that word.’ England says.

‘Whatever words you decide they are not to be used during normal sexual activity.’

STRIKE A POSE

Traditionalists love a bit of ‘over the knee’ action and England says this is always a good place to start. ‘It’s easy to take control of your spankee and their bottom is within easy reach,’ she says.

Once you both feel more comfortable you can become more adventurous: tying your partner to the bed face down or leaning them over a chair are also good positions.

As for where to spank: Avoid the lower back, the kidneys and any joints. Aim for fleshy areas of the body – the bottom, the thighs, the palms of the hands, the calfs.

‘Search for their ‘sweet spot’ – between the bottom and the genitals,’ England says. ‘This is where the spankee will gain the most pleasure from being spanked.’

HANDS ON

Watching England wield a human-hair flogger had me clenching my buttocks harder than a boy scout who’d lied about his age to get a ride on Space Mountain. And although floggers and paddles can feel amazing, with practise, England recommends amateurs start with the hand.

‘Short, sharp smacks with a flat hand allows you to change up the rhythm and speed to keep things heated,’ England says. ‘Exploring different sensations, such as light scratching and tickling feathers, over the spanked skin will feel sensational too.’

PLAYTIME OVER

When a spanking session is coming to an end, it’s important to do some sort of aftercare. England says the form of this care depends from one person to the next. It can be intercourse, a cold towel laid over the bum or massaging a cooling balm on pink cheeks.

‘Aftercare can be both erotic and soothing,’ England says. ‘It’s a fabulous way of continuing intimacy and keeping the natural high going that spanking provides.’

For more information about Salons at Coco de Mer call 020 7836 8882 or visit coco-de-mer.com. Next spanking class is 8 May.

The Hook Up

Juicy stories and tips for spicing things up in the bedroom. 18+

This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply. Your information will be used in line with our Privacy Policy

I went to a spanking class and here’s what I learned (2024)

References

Top Articles
Latest Posts
Recommended Articles
Article information

Author: Frankie Dare

Last Updated:

Views: 6488

Rating: 4.2 / 5 (53 voted)

Reviews: 92% of readers found this page helpful

Author information

Name: Frankie Dare

Birthday: 2000-01-27

Address: Suite 313 45115 Caridad Freeway, Port Barabaraville, MS 66713

Phone: +3769542039359

Job: Sales Manager

Hobby: Baton twirling, Stand-up comedy, Leather crafting, Rugby, tabletop games, Jigsaw puzzles, Air sports

Introduction: My name is Frankie Dare, I am a funny, beautiful, proud, fair, pleasant, cheerful, enthusiastic person who loves writing and wants to share my knowledge and understanding with you.